Merry Prankmas (A Caught Christmas Special)
by Zoinks81
Summary: Well it was bound to happen, and after the events of Caught it happened. Luan Loud has been unleashed. Come and see what happens when she plans some thing special for her siblings for the holidays. And authors note, I feel dirty after writing this. Should go without saying but I will say it anyways, No Loudcest.


**Well I promised you a Christmas sequel to Caught and here it is. I don't expect this to be as good as the original, or as well received. The one thing I will say about this one is that if is far worse. I'm going to hell, more for all the other things I have done, but the story won't win me any friends in the good place.**

* * *

 **Merry Pranksmas**

 **By Zoinks81**

 **Act 1**

 **The Present**

It was December twenty-sixth, the day after Christmas. All across Royal Woods Michigan a fresh blanket of white snow covered the streets, sidewalks, tree tops, and roofs. Since Christmas Eve it had been snowing off and on, making it colder than a mother in laws kiss outside. Yet inside the walls of 1216 Franklin Avenue the cold air outside could not compare with the cold feeling that hung in the air between the Loud siblings.

Luan Loud sat in a hard folding chair that was making her ass go numb. She had brought the chair in when she went out to the garage to get the folding metal card table her father bought at a yard sale the previous summer. His thinking was that he could set it up in the garage, having a weekly poker night with his buddies. This ended fairly quickly as he always came out on the losing end. He called it once he ended up blowing the money he was saving to by his new gourmet kitchen knife. Now the table was only used for special occasions, such as birthday parties or barbecues.

On the table was a pack of candy cigarettes, two glasses, a glass bottle filled with sparkling apple cider, and a small desk lamp that bask the room in a dim yellow light that was surrounded by dark shadows. Sitting across from Luan was a figure hidden within the comfort of those shadows. This mysterious figure sat in the darkened silence and waited for Luan to speak.

Luan reached over and poured herself a glass of sparkling apple cider, swirling the amber liquid in her glass before taking a sip. Her mind was a whirlwind of concerns and preparations, all thoughts spilling over from the past few days. She was unsure where to begin, it had been a long weekend and quite a bit had happened. She set the glass down on the table and let out a heavy sigh.

"I suppose you know why I'm here." Luan spoke to the silent and still figure. "The whole house should be aware of my actions and the resulting consequences. Now I've got everyone from Lucy on up pissed at me. Though I suppose it's better they are pissed off and not pissed on." Luan laughed. "Get it?"

She waited for anything from the shadowy figure sitting across from her. A laugh, a groan, hell even a nice "shut the hell up" would work. All she got was silence.

"Well anyways," Luan said. "I guess it would be best if I explained myself a bit. Let me start at the beginning."

* * *

 **December 22nd**

Luan sat on the floor in the attic, her legs were crossed and underneath her so she was sitting Indian style. Scattered on the floor around her were various scraps of paper, glue, pens and pencils and other art supplies. She held a piece of construction paper in her hands while she bopped her head to a Christmas tune she had heard earlier that day. Of course Luan would often replace words and phrases to make the song her own, something she picked up when she first heard the alternate lyrics to Jingle Bells.

"Rudolph the big butt reindeer." Luan sang, cutting the construction paper into the shape of a skull. "Had a really big ass," She cut out some shapes from a black piece of construction paper, making eyes, a nose, and gaps for the teeth of the skull. "And If you ever saw it, boy you probably smell some gas." She giggled to herself.

Luan was the kind of girl who had control issues. Not the kind of control issues that most people had, where they felt the need to be in control of every little aspect of their lives. No, Luan had issues with controlling herself when it came to her sense of humor. Things would always take a turn for the worse during April Fool's day, a few times narrowly avoiding run-ins with the law, or being locked away by her own family. Though she would forgive them, after all she had put them through four years of absolute hell after discovering her natural gift of pulling pranks. It was what Lisa once said to their siblings when trying to describe Luan abnormal behavior when it came to practical jokes. She said, "the woman is without compassion, reason, or even a shred of empathy. To put it bluntly, that bitch is crazy."

She was not fond of being called a bitch, but then she did once trap Lisa in her room and played a twelve-hour loop of William Shatner's rendition of Rocket Man. She could she why Lisa would call her a bitch.

When it came to her sense of humor, Luan was like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, her humor taking the form of a devious monster that would take control of her. For a while it only ever really reared it's ugly head when April Fool's rolled around. Though after the incident with Lincoln, his little journey to spank town. Sure he had tried to convince his sisters that he was not masturbating, just lounging in his underwear while trying to order an Ace Savvy collectible from a catalog. The girls all wanted to believe this, none more so then Leni, who hated the thought of her little brother growing up. Luan, however, did not care if he did it or not. All that mattered was that a side of her was unleashed that night, her dark passenger had taken over the wheel and started to reveal itself to her siblings. She would tease Linky about his little sausage link, Luna about going out to eat Sam (she knew she was saying that wrong, that was the joke), Lori about Bobby, and of course Lynn's skills at finger racing. Yeah things had gotten bad. The only two she spared, besides the younger kids, were Leni and Lucy. Leni seemed pointless, as the girl probably wouldn't get the jokes anyhow. When it came to Lucy, well to be honest, the goddess of gloom often scared the shit out of her. Especially since she started sleeping with a human skull next to her pillow.

Now it was the Christmas season, the time to put aside petty differences and do something kind for you fellow man. That meant presents, and Luan Loud was one for giving more so then getting. This year she really planned on giving it to her siblings ... wait that sounded much dirtier than intended. Oh well, the point is there.

After putting all the pieces together she had created and nice skull card for Lucy. That should really get that little witches attention. With Lucy's card finished, she was now done with making the cards for her siblings. Lori, Leni, Luna, Lynn, Lincoln, and Lucy would all have personalized Christmas cards with an invitation to her special Christmas Eve gathering. Now she just had to hope that they would all attend the get together.

* * *

 **Later ...**

Lori Loud walked out of her room, her phone in her hand and her fingers flying across the keys. It had only been a few months since Bobby had moved away to live with his extended family. At first, it was hard, damn hard, as she missed her boo boo bear with all her heart. After going to see him, and trying to convince him to come back home, she eventually listened to his side of the story. He calmed her down, telling her that it would only be a few months, then they would get into college and live on campus, once again in the same state. She wanted to go someplace warm and sunny, like California or Florida. She didn't really care what he wanted. Sure she loved him, but he was not the sharpest spoon the drawer, and would likely pick a school that offered free balloons or ice cream to anyone that signed up. She wanted to learn and get a tan, not always in that order.

She started to walk down the hall when her brain sent a signal to her feet. Stop! it yelled, there was something her eyes had caught as she left the room. Lori turned to see two envelops taped to her door. She walked over to get a closer look. Yep, two white envelops taped to the door. Both had names written in pink, one for Leni and one for her. She looked at the envelop as she took it off the door, then around the hall, to see if there was any indication as to who had placed them on her door. She quickly noticed that all the doors in the hall, except the twins and Lisa's room, had the same envelops taped on them.

"Interesting." Lori said, her eyes narrowing to slits as she stroked her chin. She took the other note off the door and went back into her room.

Sprawled out on her bed, her head resting in her hands and her feet slowly kicking back and forth, was Leni. The seventeen-year old blonde with a love of fashion had a new copy of InStyle open in front her. She had a grin on her face and bopped her head back and forth as she scanned over the pretty pictures of dresses in the magazine. Leni may have not been the brightest person in the world, but it was damn hard not to be around her without smiling. Her bubbly personality was so infectious that it could almost be considered a disease.

"Here." Lori said, tossing the envelop at her sister. It landed on top of the magazine, making Leni light up and gasp with excitement.

"Oooh, I never get mail." Leni said.

"Where do you think those magazines you get come from?" Lori asked.

"The mailman buys them for me. He's totes sweet." She giggled.

Lori rolled her eyes and let out mild groan. She was running on three hours of sleep, and was still stressed as to what she was going to get Bobby for Christmas. She was not in the mood to deal with Leni being ... well Leni. She loved her sister, she was her best friend, but sometimes the lack of understanding a constant explaining could be a trying experience to say the least.

"Just-Just open the letter Leni." Lori said pinching the bridge of her nose.

Both girls opened their envelops, though Lori knew that in the end she would have to explain whatever was inside to her sister. Lori ripped her envelop open and looked inside, finding a homemade Christmas card. On the card was a crude drawing of a donkey dressed in a Santa hat. The donkey had a bandage around one if its legs and looked to be in some kind of pain. Above the drawing, written out and colored in blue, were the words "I sorry I have been a pain in the ass". Lori smiled as she had to give her sister credit, that one was actually pretty good. She opened the card and scanned it. Written inside was an apology for the way she had been acting, the crude jokes she was using around them, the constant dirty puns, and for course the practical jokes. Lori frowned as she remembered Luan making an inappropriate comment the last time she hung out with Bobby before he moved. Luan had pranced her way downstairs and handed Lori an umbrella, telling her it was just in case she happened to get wet out there while with Bobby. Thankfully the innocent and often confused Santiago boy had failed to understand Luan's sexual pun.

"This card is sooo cute, but also kind of sad." Leni said. She showed her card to Lori, who looked at the drawing of a rodent trapped in a block of ice. Written above it, "Sorry I have been a Brrr-Rat".

 _Mine was better_ , Lori thought.

Inside was the same note that was in her card. Lori continued to read. The note finished by saying that they were all invited to her room on Christmas Eve for a secret sibling gift exchange. Lori's bitch sense was tingling as she began to wonder just what Luan was up to.

Soon the others had all either come home from doing whatever they were doing or exited their rooms. Lincoln, Luna, Lynn, and even Lucy had all received cards and notes as well. Lucy wanted to burn hers, but stopped when she saw it was cut and decorated to look like a skull.

"Wicked." Lucy said.

After reading the notes they all gathered in Lori's room to discuss the note and any further actions. By this time the others had learned of the notes as well. Lisa seemed to be disinterested, simply shrugging and going back to work in her room. She was determined to prove the existence of Santa's counterpart for the holidays, the Krampus. She mentioned something about containing him in a zoo within her fortress of solitude. The twins, those nosy little pests, had whined about not getting a card or invited to the secret Christmas. As they voiced their complaints, a red flag went off in Lori's mind. Why not invite all the siblings to this gathering. Something smelled fishy, and for once it wasn't Luna's breath. _Dammit Luan now you got me doing it_ , Lori thought.

* * *

 **Act 2**

 **The Present**

The mysterious figure reached across the table and poured a glass of sparkling cider. She brought the glass to her lips and sipped at the amber liquid. The bubbles tickled her nose, though she did her best to contain her stoic presence. She rested the glass back on the table.

"So with the notes delivered I went back to the attic and finished wrapping the Christmas presents and listen to the radio." Luan said. "Guess could say I was listening to wrap music." Luan laughed. "Get it?"

The mysterious figure remained silent, but motioned for Luan to continue her story.

"Well there wasn't much I could do other than wait. So I prepared for the next part of my plan." Luan said. "Though I had no clue as to if they would show up or not."

Luan got up and started to pace the room, taking a candy cigarette from the pack on the table. She placed the sweet stick between her lips and puffed out a faint cloud of powder sugar, which looked like smoke. She stopped and leaned against the wall, her head resting against her forearm.

"I had back up plans set up in case they all decided to just toss the cards in the trash and not come." Luan said. "Like I said before, once the joke has sunken its teeth in me, I have to see it through. Thankfully I had two little spies who would find out everything for me."

* * *

 **Back to December 22nd**

"This is such crap." Lola pouted as she stomped her foot to the ground. "They are always excluding us from their secret meetings."

"Yeah they never let us play in their reindeer games." Lana joked, getting a nasty look from her twin. "What? You set me up for that one."

"This isn't the time for jokes. I want to know what they are planning." Lola said. She walked over to a tiny dresser that sat next to her bed. She pulled open one of the drawers and took out a crown with a microphone attached. Lola removed the microphone from the crown and turned to her sister. "I want you to climb into the vents and dangle this from the vent in Lori's room."

Lana looked at her sister puzzled, she was not nearly as obsessed as Lola was when it came to figuring out what the others in the house were up to, frankly she couldn't care less. Still, she knew Lola well enough to know that this was something that would not simply go away anytime soon. It was Lola's life's mission to know every secret she could, especially if it involved her own family. Of course that drive had led her to discover and see things that robbed the little girl of her innocence. Well her child like innocence, which was the only innocence that Lola had ever actually known.

"Fine." Lana sighed. "But if you don't learn anything good you have to let Bitey have his way with your stuffed princess mouse."

"Eww." Lola spat, as she reluctantly agreed. She sincerely hoped she would learn something, as she did not want to toss out her princess mouse do to it being violated by a horny rat.

Lana took the microphone and stuck it in her pocket. She then went under her bed and removed a ladder, leaning it up against the wall by the vent. She climbed up, removed a small screwdriver from her tool belt and started to unscrew the cover to the vent. Once the cover was removed she shimmied in and started her way towards Lori's room.

The only other person in the house that knew as much about the air vents was Lucy. The duchess of darkness often used the vents as a place to hide and write her dark poems. Lana was often in the vents to do repairs and set non-lethal traps for pests like spiders, roaches, or mice. Lana crawled past Lincoln's room, then past Lucy and Lynn's. When she finally made it to Lori's room, the older kids had just started to gather. Lana pulled the microphone out of her pocket and tied it to the vent cover. She shifted her body and started to work her way back towards her room.

As Lana climbed out of the vent and worked her way back down the ladder, Lola was sitting at her table, a listening device held to her ear. When she saw Lana step off the bottom rung she waved her sister over to hear the conversation.

"What are they saying?" Lana asked as she took seat next to her sister.

"Sounds like Luan has been torturing them with her jokes." Lola said.

"What else is new?" Lana joked, getting a snicker from her sister who obviously agreed that Luan's joked were terrible.

"It sounds like she has been making fun of them extra hard." Lola said. "Oh wait, Lynn just made a joke at Lincoln's expense. They are all laughing at him now."

"Eh, couldn't be that funny if Lynn said it."

"It's was something about six inches." Lola said, shaking her head.

Lana shrugged, unsure as to what that meant. Ever since the incident with Lincoln, all the older siblings had been acting strange. One more then a few occasions Lana would see that either Leni, Luan, or Lucy would have stayed the night with Lincoln. She wondered if it had something to do with the bad wiring in the house. Lana could hear it now and then, mostly at night and coming from Lori and Luna's room. It was a strange buzzing sound, and it seemed to also drive Lynn nuts, as she would pound her wall and sometimes scream obscenities. What ever it was, she would have to look into later, can't have bad wiring while she was living in the house.

"What else do hear?" Lana asked.

"It sounds like they think Luan is setting them up for a prank." Lola said. "But they are going to go through with it anyways."

"So what do you want to do?" Lana asked.

* * *

 **Present Day**

"Lola and Lana came to me and told me about the meeting." Luan said.

She stood looking out the window, down towards the fresh snow on the front yard and sidewalk. Even though it was dark outside, with clouds covering the sky, there was a light that illuminated the neighborhood as snowflakes began to float down from the heavens.

"I paid Lola and Lana in some rich Germany chocolate I got from that fancy store that sells imports." Luan said. "Once I knew the others were going to show up I just had to finish wrapping their gifts and find a place to hide on Christmas Eve."

Luan bit into her candy cigarette, munching on the chalky spearmint flavored stick. After finishing, she walked back to the table and took a seat, pouring herself another glass of cider.

"Not sure if I thanked you or not for providing me with a safe place to crash." Luan said, tilting her glass towards the mysterious figure. "I later learned about the meeting in Lori's room when once of them came to me and told me about it."

* * *

 **December 22nd**

In Lori's room they all sat around and discussed what they were going to do. Part of them wanted this secret Christmas to be true, hoping that Luan was indeed sorry and wanted to seek out forgiveness. Though the more logical side of their brains had realized that it was Luan they were talking about. This was a girl who would push a joke to the point that she had almost been locked away in a mental institution by their parents for her April Fool's day pranks. Of course, they all knew that a locked and paddled cell could hold Luan for long.

"I say we just ignore it." Lincoln said. "It's obviously a joke, and if we don't give in we take away the satisfaction she would have and nip it in the bud."

"I'm with Barney Fife over there." Luna said. "I know that wicked woman, and no good can come from this."

"You're busting my balls Luna, you're busting my balls."

"I think you do that yourself bro." Luna shot him a devilish smile. "Body and beats, you stain your sheets."

"It was a freaking pen!" Lincoln yelled.

"For Ronnie Anne's sake I hope so." Lynn chimed in.

"What does that mean?" Lincoln asked.

"That if she wants six inches you'll have to give it to her twice." Lynn joked.

With that smart ass comment the room burst out in laughter, except for Lucy who tried to scrub the image of her brothers tiny penis from her brain, and Leni who shuddered at the thought of her little Linky sharing his Linky with his little girlfriend. She did not like to think of things like that, to her Lincoln would always be her baby brother. The special little guy that she comforted when he had nightmares and needed someone to cuddle with. Not a sex crazed pervert who got off to dirty video of God forbid, erotic fan fiction.

Lincoln of course, burned with anger as he wanted to jump Lynn and choke the breath from her body for insulting his size. It was bad enough that they all thought he touched himself at night, but now they were cracking jokes that he was not big enough to satisfy his girl ... wait! His friend. Yeah his friend. _Damn, being a growing boy with hormones sucked hard_ , Lincoln thought to himself.

Once the room calmed down and things were back to order, Lori wondered if Lincoln and Luna could be wrong. Not about it being a trap, of course it was trap. Admiral Akbar could see that this was a trap. They all knew Luan well enough to know that even her best intentions often led to many family members standing around with egg on their face, both figuratively and sometimes literally. No, what Lori was thinking was that it could be easier to just go along with this little game that Luan was playing at. She knew that sometimes Luan would just let it all go if things did not go the way she wanted them to, but then there were times when she would practically hunt them down to make sure her prank went off as she planned. This felt like one of those times. It might be better to let her have her fun, then they could retaliate later if need be.

"I vote we go through with it." She said, gaining the attention of a few puzzled eyes.

"Why?" Lincoln asked.

"Because twerp, this could be like April Fools." The words made the siblings share a collective shudder of fear at their sisters actions during that day. "If she put as much planning into this as I think she did, then she will go to no ends to make sure it all goes off the way she wants."

Luna shook her head in agreement, seeing where Lori was coming from. Luna knew Luan better than anyone else in the house, being roommates with her since they were little. Her sister had a pitbull like mentality when it came to pulling pranks, locking her jaws until it was all over and she got what she wanted, which was usually humiliation from her victims. Lori was right, this felt like more than just a simple little gag, this felt like Luan had really put some time and planning into this. Ignoring it would not work like Lincoln suggested. They were going to have to ride this out.

"I hate to say it, but I think Lori is right dudes." Luna said. "Luan is a bad mother ..."

"Luna shut your mouth." Lori warned her sister before dropping the F bomb.

"Sorry sis, I'm just talking about Luan."

"We can dig it." Lincoln said.

* * *

 **Act 3**

 **The Present**

"I could have kissed Lynn for making that joke about Lincoln's, well little Linky." Luan laughed. "Get it? Because he has a small dick." Her laughter grew with intensity until she fell to the floor and clutched at her sides.

When Luan finally pulled herself together she got back to her feet, taking another sip of cider to help clear her dry throat.

"After that I just had to kill a day until it was time to open presents." Luan said. "I felt like a fat kid in candy store, I was giddy I tell ya."

The mysterious figure sipped on some cider.

"You know this is going to be a long ass boring story if it's just me telling it." Luan said. "You sure you don't wanna contribute? I know you're not know for your sense of humor, but how about just a simple knock-knock joke?"

Silence from the mysterious figure.

Luan shrugged and poured herself some more cider. "Suit yourself. So everything was set to go."

* * *

 **December 24th**

It was nearly nine thirty on Christmas Eve, and the family had just finished up eating dinner and watching A Charlie Brown Christmas as they did every year. All through out the day Lincoln's stomach had been in knots, wondering what they were in store for that evening. He had been the victim to many of Luan's horrible pranks, the worst being the year he set them all off himself to avoid Ronnie Anne taking any. He never told Luan, but he was pretty close to paying off Ronnie Anne to beat her up that day. Nothing too bad, maybe just a simple punch in the boob or something.

When Lincoln entered the room he saw six presents sitting on the floor. He looked to Luna who shrugged, not knowing anything other than what the note had said the day they found it. Luan had left dinner early and decided to stay downstairs until after everything was done. She bribed their dad by offering to watch Christmas Vacation with him, which was his second favorite Christmas movie behind Die Hard. All the kids loved to watch Die Hard with their dad, it was the only time he would let them drop the F bomb around him.

Lori inspected all the gifts and arranged them in a circle. They all took a seat in front of the gift that was theirs, and exchanged nervous looks.

"Well I guess one of us should go first." Lori said.

"It was your idea to go through with this, it should be you." Lincoln said.

'Thanks twerp."

Lori began to unwrap her gift, slipping her finger into a slit between the paper and pulling the taped pieces of paper apart. Normally she would just rip and shred the shit out any gift she was given, tear it up like Kleenex at a snot party. This time however, she was being cautious because she did not know what her sister had in store for her. When all the paper was finally removed, she found herself holding a pink box with a black silhouette of a woman in rainbow colored underwear. Written on the box were the words 'Candy G-String'. Lori blushed as her siblings all looked at the gift she held in her hands. As she was about to quickly hide the gift behind her back she noticed a note attached to the box.

"I am going to kill her." Lori said, snatching the note off the box and scanning it.

 _Instead of chewing Bobby out all the time, use these and let him chew you out for once - L_

Lori's face went flush as she burned with anger. She gripped the note tightly in her hands. She would get Luan for this, she swore it to herself.

"What does the note say?" Lincoln asked.

"Don't worry about it twerp." Lori hissed through gritted teeth.

"Ooh can I go next?" Leni asked.

"Might as well dude."

Leni opened her present, not being nearly as neat as her sister had been. After tearing off all the paper, she saw a small white box, roughly six and half inches long and four inches wide. She opened the box and pulled out a six-inch-long vibrator, sea foam green. Leni studied the object, tilting her head to the side as she tried to figure out what it was. She twisted the bottom, bring the pleasure saber to life with a low hum. Leni giggled as she ran the vibrating object along her arm.

"Is this like a massage wand or something?" She asked.

"Or something." Luna muttered to herself.

"Please don't tell her what it is." Lincoln mouthed silently, his eyes filled with shock and panic. He could not stand the thought of Leni learning what she was holding or how to use it. To him, she would always be his innocent older sister who looked at life with a bright smile. The sweet girl who cuddled with him at night after he had a terrible nightmare.

"Yeah Leni, that's exactly what it is." Lori said, her eyes darting back and forth between her siblings, silently commanding them to keep quiet on the subject.

"I think I will use this every night." Leni chirped.

"You're not the only one." Lynn snickered, getting an elbow in the ribs from Luna, who also tried to contain a laugh.

"Hey there's a note attached to mine as well." Leni said. She unfolded the note and began to read. "It says, I know you like to giggle and squeal, this will help with that." Leni looked to her siblings, all of whom are bright red and avoiding eye contact with her. "I don't get it."

"Uhh, she means that she knows you like massages and that they make you happy." Lori quickly tried to cover. "So this massager will make you happy."

"Yeah it will." Luna said, getting a laugh from both Lynn and Lincoln.

Lori glares at her siblings, not finding it funny that Luan nearly corrupted Leni, and that they were making jokes about it.

"I-I'm sorry." Lincoln says, trying to catch his breath. "I just couldn't help it, that was funny."

"If this is so funny twerp, why don't you go next." Lori hissed.

Lincoln started to unwrap his gift, shredding the paper and sending it floating down behind him. Once the shiny red wrapping was off it revealed a green and black box with the words 'Penis Pump' written across. Lincoln stared and the box, blinking and letting at two deep breaths. He looked to his sister who all, except for Leni, were trying to contain their laughter. He dropped the box, getting up and heading for the door. He feels a hand reach out and grab him by the arm, turning to see Luna, her other hand still trying to contain a smile.

"Come on bro." She says. "Were all getting embarrassing gifts."

"That's not funny." He said, pointing to the penis pump.

"The note says, ' _This gift is for Ronnie Anne, who would probably like a kielbasa for Christmas instead of a cocktail weenie'._ Lynn said, reading the note. "Ok, that's pretty funny, gotta give the girl credit on that one."

"I don't have a small penis!" Lincoln yelled.

"Keep it down tiny, you want mom and dad to come up here?" Lori said.

Lincoln started to move towards Lori, his intentions not entirely clear. Leni, sensing the growing tension between the two, stood up and walked over to him, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him in for a hug. She stroked his hair and tried to calm him down. Feeling Leni's arms around him, Lincoln started to feel his rage burn out. He let out a sigh and hugged Leni back. Suddenly he felt a strange sensation on his back, moving slowly up and down his spine, sending out tiny pulses into his back muscles.

"Uhh Leni?"

"Yeah Linky." Leni said.

"Are you using you vib ... your massager on my back?" He asked.

"Yeah, doesn't it feel great?"

"I hate my life." Lincoln whispered to himself as he let his sister run her vibrator along his back.

"Guess I'll go next." Lynn said.

She begins to unwrap her present in a fury, tiny pieces of paper flying about. Lynn found herself holding a white and black package wrapped in plastic, with in to were ten pink spheres that are attached together. On the package was the silhouette of a woman and the words 'Jelly Love Beads'. Lynn looked to her siblings confused, unsure as to just what it was she received. Lincoln, Leni, and Lucy all shared the same puzzled look. Lori and Luna, however, had turned red, their eyes locked the item in Lynn's hand.

"I don't get it." Lynn said. She took the note attached to the package and began to read. "For my favorite pain in the ass."

Luna leaned over and whispered in Lynn's ear, explaining to her sister what the item was and how it was to be used, using hand gestures that made the rest of the room understand as well. Once Lynn realized what her gift was, her cheeks turned the same shade of red as her t-shirt. Her eyes slowly moving down to the anal beads in her hand, then shifted to the family that sat around her.

"Luan is a dead woman." Lynn whispered.

"Oh don't get butt hurt." Lincoln said, getting a laugh from Luna. "That was for making fun of my tiny ... I mean my incredibly big penis."

"Please stop talking about your penis." Lucy said. "It's starting to give me nightmares."

"Let's just get this over with." Lori says. "Who's next?"

"I will go." Lucy said. "I'm getting tired of this perverse festivity."

Lucy carefully unwrapped her gift to reveal a plain white unmarked box with a lid. She opened the lid just a crack to take a peek within. A small red tint glowed upon her pale cheek as she shut the lid and got up, still holding the box. Lucy went to the door, opened it and left the room without saying a single word.

"Huh, wonder what that was all about?" Lincoln wondered out loud.

"Must have been bad dudes if it made her blush." Luna said.

"Should-Should someone go after her?" Lincoln asked.

"Best to let her do her thing." Lynn said. "She can be kind of scary when she gets like that."

"Ok, one left." Lori said. "You're up Luna."

Luna hesitantly opened her gift, revealing a pain white box, much like the one that Lucy had gotten. She looked to her siblings who all looked on with a dreaded anticipation. On top of the box was a handwritten note, the same as all the others. Luna took the note and began to read. "I know you like to play solo, but with a cutie like Sam I thought it was time for a duet. Here is something to double your pleasure and double your fun."

Luna looked to Lori who shrugged, unsure as to what the note could have meant. She opened the lid just a hair, as Lori, Lynn, and Lincoln all gather round and peer over her shoulder. Luna burns with with a mixture of anger and a curious delight at the adult toy in the box. Part of her was tantalized by the thought was what her and Sam could do with it, while another part of her wanted to beat her roommate to death with the object.

"Is that a double-sided ..."

"Lincoln shut your mouth." Lori said, trying to keep her little brother from reveal the contents of the box.

"Guys what's in the box?" Leni asked.

"It's-It's nothing, don't worry about it." Luna said.

"What's in the box?" Leni asked again.

"It doesn't concern you Leni." Lori insisted, trying to keep her sister's innocence intact.

"Ahhh, what's in the box? What's in the box?" Leni whined.

"I feel like I have seen this somewhere." Lincoln said to himself.

All the gifts had been opened. The Loud siblings sat in a circle on the floor as an awkward silence hung in the air. Each of them now bonded by a perverted holiday embarrassment brought on by the mind of a twisted family member. Their eyes glanced from the gifts that sat before them to each other, trying desperately not to think of those items being used. The mind is a funny thing, no matter how hard you try to push a thought out, it sticks around and gets stronger.

"So." Lincoln said, trying to break the silence. "Should we go downstairs and pummel Luan?"

All the siblings started to chatter at once, agreeing with the idea. Phrases like "Death to the clown" and "Beat her with a double-sided dildo" were uttered. They all got up, leaving their gifts behind, and made their way downstairs.

As they descended the stairs and entered the living room, they found their father still sitting on the couch. Both feet were propped up on the coffee table as his legs were wrapped in a plaid throw decorated to look like and ugly Christmas sweater. Sitting on the throw, tucked between his legs, was a bowl of caramel corn, the sweet scent hitting the kids senses as they entered the room. On his face was a wide grin as he watched Randy Quaid tell Nicholas Guest that his shitter was full.

"Have you seen Luan?" Lori said, stepping up to the side of the couch.

"She went to hide honey." Her father told her.

"Any idea where she went?"

"Not a clue." He said. "I'm staying out of this one. I just wanna enjoy some eggnog and the watch the Griswold's survive the holidays."

Lori wanted to say something smart to her father, but knew that it was not worth it. He worked hard and came home to a family of loud and rowdy kids that pretty much ran the house. Sure there were moments when he or their mother could wrangle in the reigns and control the chaos that was their children, though most days it was easier just to ignore the problem and hope that the police or paramedics would not have to be called in. If they found Luan there would be no guarantee of either.

They decided to split up, with Lori and Lincoln taking the front yard and Lynn and Leni taking the back. They met up at the garage where they found Lucy standing beside a trash can tossing her present into the raging flames that spit up from the metal container.

"Fire will cleanse this." Lucy said to herself.

"We uhhh, we should leave." Lincoln said, watching the younger goth girl in an almost trance like state, as the flames danced and ate the secret held with the box.

Before heading back inside they searched the garage, checking behind boxes of old junk and Halloween decorations the family need to discarded. When they were satisfied that Luan was not hiding in the garage they went back inside.

Walking back upstairs they turned to return to Luna and Luan's room, wanting to get their presents so they could decide what to do with them. As they entered the room they found Lola and Lana, both had gone through the presents that were scattered on the floor. Lola had removed Lynn's gift from the packaging, wrapping them around her neck like a necklace and admiring herself in the mirror. Meanwhile, Lana had opened up Loris candy underwear and was beginning to eat them.

"This necklace looks good on me." Lola said, turning and posing in the mirror.

"And this underwear is delicious." Lana said. "Who knew they made something that was both practical and tasty."

"And this is my life." Lincoln said.

"Come on bro, it's not all bad." Lynn said.

"If your feeling stressed Linky I could use my massager on you again." Leni said.

"I wonder if Clyde's dads would be willing to adopt me?" Lincoln sighed.

* * *

 **Epilogue**

 **Present Day**

Luan Loud sat at the table, her finger interlaced as her hands rested against her chin. She waited for the shadowy figure to process all that she had told her, hoping for some kind of response. The figure sat in silence, mulling over all that she had just heard, trying to determine what her next course of action should be.

"What do you think Lis?" Luan asked.

"Interesting." Lisa said. "But I fail to see how this rivalry relates to myself?"

"I know I crossed a line with them." Luan confessed. "My jokes got out of hand and I might have pushed them too far."

"To say the least."

"They will be looking to get even."

Lisa stroked her chin as she contemplated her sisters words. "So this is recruitment? Preparation for a future conflict of jest?"

Luan looked to her younger sister as if she had just spoken in a foreign language.

"A war of jokes." Lisa sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration.

"Ohhh. Yeah totally a war of jokes." Luan said. "You could call it a Game of Groans." Luan laughed at her pun. "Get it?"

"I assume that is in reference to the popular television show on HBO?" Lisa said. "I am familiar though I do not watch."

"What do you say Lisa, will you side with me?"

Lisa thought about it for a moment. She was not one to partake in such silly and senseless shenanigans. Though she did sense that something big was brewing. They had been at odd with each other before, but nothing like this. It would give her a chance to study the reactions of those around her as they engaged in the coming conflict.

"Count me in." Lisa said.

"Excellent." Luan said, tenting her fingers.

 **The End**

 **Coming eventually**

 **Game of Groans**

* * *

 **Well what did you think? I felt that Luan really needed to be the star of this story as she felt like the break out from Caught. I hope you guys caught the obvious movie reference there, when I was writing it, that scene just popped in my head and screamed Leni.**

 **Finally, you may have noticed that this felt like a set up. Well that's because it was. Game of Groans is an idea that floated in to my head as I was coming up with the idea for this. I probably won't be for some time, but I do want to do it.**

 **Thanks for reading and I wish those of you that celebrate, a Merry Christmas.**

 **P.S.**

 **Tomorrow I will post the next chapter of Best Around, but since it's Christmas, you can wait to read it later if you want.**

 **Peace**


End file.
